It truly is a miracle - to me - that I've been able to survive here in Utah. I thought I might die from a million different things as silly as that seems in hindsight.
I believe the Lord blesses me with sunshine in the moments that I need it most. Last week, the weather was absolutely GORGEOUS. I love the sun and how happy it makes me and the people around me. It was so nice to not have to wear a jacket and be able to walk to class without getting pelted by rain or snow on the way there and know that the brightness lasts a little longer with each passing day as we get closer and closer to summer. Sitting on the grass and studying is amazing and seeing all the people as I walk to class makes me jealous and wish I could sit out there too for a little longer.
But of course it all comes to an end in the blink of an eye and Utah decides to revert back to it's winter tendencies and it decides to snow {I'm talking like a flash blizzard or some kind of ridiculous}. But much to my surprise, I've learned to embrace the winter weather like I do the sunshine. That's not to say I like it better, but I appreciate the beauty. I love the snow-covered mountains, hot chocolate, and bundling up with cute scarves, mittens, and headbands. I'm grateful for the time that I have with the snow. And then it needs to move on it's merry little way.
I feel like this translates to a lot in life. I've really tried to take time to enjoy the little moments, to take time to reflect. The sunshine, the snow, laughter, hugs, my car, music, friends, family, technology - just life.
In the end, life is bliss.
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Ten
When I walked across the stage at graduation, there were a million and one emotions running through my head. But there was one thing that stuck out above everything else.
In the hands of Paul Larrea was a card. A card that, at the time, seemed to be on the epitome of the future. A few weeks back, we sat in Newnham's class and condensed the four years that we'd spent at CLHS onto a 3 x 5 card and everything we wanted to accomplish in life.
After attending a few graduations before my own, there was always the joke that everyone got together to write down the same occupation that they wanted.
I felt, in that moment, that I would be the one to break the norm. That at our 10-year reunion, I would be the one that accomplished everything on my card. I'd dig through our time capsule and find my card and smile with pride that I did it and beat the odds. I really truly believed that.
It didn't take long for me to realize that these anticipations weren't always the ideal, but rather dreams from ignorantly blissful high school graduates. We had all these hopes that we would make the past and future generations proud with our success as doctors, lawyers, teachers, dentists, cosmetologists - and it's not to say that these professions aren't admirable or attainable. But we had set our sights so high we didn't take time to evaluate reality.
And reality, I've come to realize, is this. There are so many choices in this world. Choices, that coming from a small town in Northern California, had never before been discovered. I mean we had maybe 10 choices of places to eat for crying out loud. When they tell you that you can study whatever you want, they mean it. When you don't understand why people are shocked at how you did so much in high school, you get it when you find you can only devote yourself to one thing because there really aren't enough hours in the day. When they say there's something and someone out there for everyone and we just have to experience it, it's the truth.
I got to BYU shocked by the options. The food thing was one of the most overwhelming to be honest. But the biggest surprise was asking people what they were studying and realizing the wide array of possibilities. Why did I think that, at 18 and completely inexperienced, I knew what I wanted out of life? I had this whole plan and yet it meant nothing 3 months down the road (forget 10 years). I wanted to study something that would help me incorporate my love for people and passion for biology and it seemed hard to find at first but I got it figured out.
And there's one thing they don't tell you before you walk across that stage
with the brink of the future laying out before you
while you're feeling on top of the world.
And that is that it's OKAY to fail. Failure leads to growth and change and learning. And that's what life's all about, isn't it?
In the hands of Paul Larrea was a card. A card that, at the time, seemed to be on the epitome of the future. A few weeks back, we sat in Newnham's class and condensed the four years that we'd spent at CLHS onto a 3 x 5 card and everything we wanted to accomplish in life.
After attending a few graduations before my own, there was always the joke that everyone got together to write down the same occupation that they wanted.
I felt, in that moment, that I would be the one to break the norm. That at our 10-year reunion, I would be the one that accomplished everything on my card. I'd dig through our time capsule and find my card and smile with pride that I did it and beat the odds. I really truly believed that.
It didn't take long for me to realize that these anticipations weren't always the ideal, but rather dreams from ignorantly blissful high school graduates. We had all these hopes that we would make the past and future generations proud with our success as doctors, lawyers, teachers, dentists, cosmetologists - and it's not to say that these professions aren't admirable or attainable. But we had set our sights so high we didn't take time to evaluate reality.
And reality, I've come to realize, is this. There are so many choices in this world. Choices, that coming from a small town in Northern California, had never before been discovered. I mean we had maybe 10 choices of places to eat for crying out loud. When they tell you that you can study whatever you want, they mean it. When you don't understand why people are shocked at how you did so much in high school, you get it when you find you can only devote yourself to one thing because there really aren't enough hours in the day. When they say there's something and someone out there for everyone and we just have to experience it, it's the truth.
I got to BYU shocked by the options. The food thing was one of the most overwhelming to be honest. But the biggest surprise was asking people what they were studying and realizing the wide array of possibilities. Why did I think that, at 18 and completely inexperienced, I knew what I wanted out of life? I had this whole plan and yet it meant nothing 3 months down the road (forget 10 years). I wanted to study something that would help me incorporate my love for people and passion for biology and it seemed hard to find at first but I got it figured out.
And there's one thing they don't tell you before you walk across that stage
with the brink of the future laying out before you
while you're feeling on top of the world.
And that is that it's OKAY to fail. Failure leads to growth and change and learning. And that's what life's all about, isn't it?
Sunday, March 9, 2014
Nine
Winter 2013 was a mess. I mean it was good, but it was a mess. One of my best friends was just accepted into the study abroad program in London and the other was contemplating a mission and my current roommate had decided to serve a mission. So seriously all the hours we had spent house hunting went out the window by the end of January. All I knew is that I really didn't want to be alone with a bunch of strangers in a new apartment and I didn't know where to go or what to do or anything. Then all of a sudden I thought maybe I should apply to be a Resident Assistant. It was something I honestly had mocked all the months leading up to it but after struggling with a ridiculous amount of loans for a ridiculously high rent in the Freshman Dorms, free housing was looking pretty promising. I knew I'd need a job so I thought why not apply and see where it goes.
I wasn't sure how my friends would take it and they thought I was joking when I told them. They even thought I was kidding when I said I was seriously contemplating it after being offered a position. I decided to go ahead and accept it.
So I did. And it has honestly changed my life.
I spent the summer praying that I would be the right fit for these girls and be able to connect with them and the people I worked with. I spent so much time coming up with a theme for the year and making cutesy decorations for the hall to make them feel welcome and seem more home-y. I showed up to RA training and started to get a little scared when we started talking about the aspects of the job we would be trained on. I swear I read the contract but maybe some lines were just filtered out as I read it and there was so much I didn't know that I would be doing or even if I could handle it.
I just felt thrown in. Like one of the situations where you learn to swim out of necessity rather than for leisure. {I mean, it worked, don't get me wrong}. I met all the girls and tried to remember their {60} names, where they were from, what they were studying, and keep tabs on our similarities so that would we would have something to talk about when I came to visit their apartments.
These girls are inspiring. They drive me nuts and wake me up early and lock themselves out more than I can count. But they teach me more than I feel I ever could them. I have been so blessed with the most self-sufficient girls and they actual listen to me {most of the time}. We've just spent the last year making memories and going through this experience. I'm honestly worried for the next year because I won't have my little nuggets within arms reach where I can cushion their blows and hold their hand and walk them through the chaos that is college. They bring me happiness when I see them get excited to see me and I LOVE gossiping with them and hearing about their lives. They drop by my place and I stop by theirs and we celebrate and cry together. I really, truly hope they will remember our friendships through the years because I know they have forever changed me. I've made some of the best friends this way and I'm grateful for the memories we have so far.
But we aren't done partying yet.
I wasn't sure how my friends would take it and they thought I was joking when I told them. They even thought I was kidding when I said I was seriously contemplating it after being offered a position. I decided to go ahead and accept it.
So I did. And it has honestly changed my life.
I spent the summer praying that I would be the right fit for these girls and be able to connect with them and the people I worked with. I spent so much time coming up with a theme for the year and making cutesy decorations for the hall to make them feel welcome and seem more home-y. I showed up to RA training and started to get a little scared when we started talking about the aspects of the job we would be trained on. I swear I read the contract but maybe some lines were just filtered out as I read it and there was so much I didn't know that I would be doing or even if I could handle it.
I just felt thrown in. Like one of the situations where you learn to swim out of necessity rather than for leisure. {I mean, it worked, don't get me wrong}. I met all the girls and tried to remember their {60} names, where they were from, what they were studying, and keep tabs on our similarities so that would we would have something to talk about when I came to visit their apartments.
These girls are inspiring. They drive me nuts and wake me up early and lock themselves out more than I can count. But they teach me more than I feel I ever could them. I have been so blessed with the most self-sufficient girls and they actual listen to me {most of the time}. We've just spent the last year making memories and going through this experience. I'm honestly worried for the next year because I won't have my little nuggets within arms reach where I can cushion their blows and hold their hand and walk them through the chaos that is college. They bring me happiness when I see them get excited to see me and I LOVE gossiping with them and hearing about their lives. They drop by my place and I stop by theirs and we celebrate and cry together. I really, truly hope they will remember our friendships through the years because I know they have forever changed me. I've made some of the best friends this way and I'm grateful for the memories we have so far.
But we aren't done partying yet.
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